Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize