what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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