Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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