i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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