i need an iv and a liver transplant
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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