I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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