Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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