Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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