Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize