those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fuck appropriateness.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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