Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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