Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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