I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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