the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize