Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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