His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am available for nakedness
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize