one two three fourrrrnication!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize