Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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