i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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