There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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