We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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