And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
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God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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