The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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