Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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