Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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