Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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