After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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