Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize