I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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