I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize