dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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