I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize