new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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