i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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