life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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