maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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