how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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