K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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