I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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