she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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