just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
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Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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