You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize