I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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