I'm lost and stupid without you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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