When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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