i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
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I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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