Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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