No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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