Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize