I just saw a hot homeless man
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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